Melancholy

The reality of our move has been hitting me more and more. We are trying to work out the details of moving our possessions next week and then Kit Kat and I travelling with my dad a couple weeks later. I need to survive with the barest of necessities because I won't have much room in my car for anything besides the cat, my dad, and me.

Last night Ryan and I were sitting in the backyard after dusk. He had just mowed the lawn, and the evening was beautiful. I was suddenly very sad to leave. We had sold some of our possessions in the garage sale- nothing too important to us, but a couple things we kind of liked. I think that as a woman it is especially meaningful to have a place to call home. (Especially a pregnant woman that wants to be nesting!) In addition, it is a reminder that life passes quickly, and another chapter in our lives was coming to an end.

On September 11, 2005, our last moving day, everyone had already left, and I stayed behind to do some final cleaning at our house in Lansing. I remember crying as I looked at our first home with the beautiful hardwood for the last time. We can never go back to the way things were then.

Ryan and I took our honeymoon a couple months after our wedding. The night before our honeymoon we spent the night at my parents' house in Monroe. That was the last time I would be there. They were moving shortly after that time. I cried as we left to go to the airport. Unfortunately for Ryan I cried throughout that day and a couple successive days. I would not return to the home of my childhood. Things would really be different from that time on. However, I love visiting my parents at their home in Texas. It feels like home to me, probably more than the place in Monroe would feel now. That's good because we'll be staying there for a month!

So, we are trusting God for another place to call home. I look forward to the days when I can tell our children about how God provided for us in this crazy time. I also look forward to the days when we will be home forever with the Lord. For now, I'll smile through my tears.