The Language of Love and Respect

As a Book Review Blogger for Thomas Nelson publishers, I occasionally get a complimentary copy of a book to review on my blog.  A couple months ago, I requested one titled The Language of Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.  I was excited to read this book because Emerson pastored the church I attended in Michigan.  Now he and his wife have a marriage ministry called Love and Respect.  Several years ago, Ryan and I attended one of his marriage conferences and read his first book entitled Love and Respect. 

For some reason, the book did not arrive within a month.  I contacted Thomas Nelson and was told that an error occurred.  They sent a new one out immediately.  Ironically, the book arrived just about the time Ryan and I started experiencing some difficulties in our marriage.  One of the major reasons for our troubles is that we misperceive each others' words.  This book is written to confront this situation head-on specifically stressing the communication differences between men and women.  It was previously released as Cracking the Communication Code.

I love the writing style of this book.  It is rich in principles, scripture references, illustrations and real-life examples from readers and marriage professionals.  The book begins with a "Short Course on Love and Respect" to familiarize new readers with the basic concepts of his first book and seminar.  The underlying principle is that husbands are commanded by God to unconditionally love their wives and wives to unconditionally respect their husbands.  He skillfully explains how husbands and wives can move from the "crazy cycle" and enjoy a richer marriage in the "rewarded cycle" by employing specific acts of love and respect, respectively!

The remainder of the book motivates readers to effectively communicate with their spouses with a goal of experiencing the "rewarded cycle".   Like in his first title, Emerson pulls from his Ph.D. studies in Child and Family Ecology to educate the reader on the differences between men and women, specifically in marriage and communication.  I find the writing very motivating, and the practical applications are helpful.  I especially like the basic premise throughout the book that your words need to be honoring and loving as an act of obedience to God and regardless of whether your spouse deserves it.  The wisdom in this book would benefit any marriage.  This is one worth reading!

I'm Not Waikiki!

Molly often pronounces the "L" sound in her name like a "W". This evening Ryan was teasing her that her name sounds like "Maui". He was making comments about her being Hawaiian. Then he said, "We should have named her Waikiki."

I'm amazed she processed what he said and instantly retorted, "I'm Maui; I'm not Waikiki!" It is probably the first time she's heard the word, and her pronunciation was perfect!

Random Pictures from my Phone

These are a couple pictures that I just uploaded from my phone. Dan and Katie, my cousins were here visiting this past week. Molly loved them! They all enjoyed playing with the 100 balloons Uncle Tim gave Molly for Christmas!

Texas Snow

It's a snowy Christmas Eve in Texas. It is beautiful and looks just like a midwest snowfall. Usually when it snows here, the temps hover around freezing and the snow doesn't last long. However, it's pretty cold, so it'll be around at least until the morning! No one has snow shovels or car scrapers down here! It is dark outside now, and there are snow crystals frozen on our front windows. It's beautiful!

Little Miss Chatterbox

Molly is at my very favorite age right now. I learn so much about her because she is talking so much. Now that her binky is gone, and temper tantrums don't bother me much (I usually ignore them), I love this stage! She started putting words together three weeks ago around the time my dad died. Ryan thinks it is a neat remembrance of this milestone- for her and for him. (I really believe it is a milestone for dad- he graduated to heaven!)

Some cute things she's said lately:

Yesterday morning, I told Molly that baby Joe and Xander were coming over later in the day. Molly recalled that the previous week Xander had left his toy train here. (I had put it away and hadn't mentioned the train in a week.) She said, "Xander forgot train. I'm sorry!"

A short time later, she was put in time-out. After two minutes were up, I asked her why she had received a time-out. She answered, "Stop touching mama's phone."

My phone was ringing, and she came to tell me, "Hear phone, mama. Go get it."

Molly can be a loud talker, especially when she wishes to say something embarassing. A male grocery employee was stocking a shelf. He had somewhat shaggy hair, but not long. Twice we walked by him as we shopped. Both times she yelled repeatedly, "What's lady doing, mama?" Oops!

A new house is being constructed next to ours. Workers were framing out the first floor. Molly was feeling outgoing and yelled to them, "Hi!" After no response she continued, "Hey! Hey guys!"

Driving today, I began singing "Twist and Shout!" After singing, "Shake it up baby now," Molly challenged me, "Oh, no shaking baby, mama."

At the grocery store, Molly got a free balloon. She played with it some but grew tired of it. When we returned to the car, she became interested in it again. She told me sweetly, "Thank you mama, getting Molly balloon." I love that she can be grateful and polite. It warms my heart.

Country music often reminds me of my dad and makes me cry. Today, Molly heard me and asked, "What's the matter, mama?" I told her. She then made some fake crying sounds and said, "I'm sad, too." It was both sweet and sassy!

Reminders of Dad

I've had glimpses of beauty lately that make me think of my dad. Of course it brings me to tears, but I'm joyfully remembering the things he loved.

Our neighborhood consists of new subdivisions surrounded by ranchlands and homes with small plots of land sometimes housing horses. Yesterday I noticed an old lone horse in a yard very close to our home. I looked for a minute and was amazed to see an antique bathtub near the fence with a hose poised above it. At our family's home in Michigan, my dad used a nearly identical tub for watering his horses. I smiled as I remembered him filling it.

At a beautiful hilltop, I occasionally see a herd of horses. They are varied in color, healthy and cause me to pause and enjoy. A few days ago, I saw just one shiny black horse running through the field. I thought of my dad, healthy and free in heaven.

A nearby ranch has rolling hills dotted with robust cattle. They are so peaceful, merely grazing and rhythmically swinging their tails. I love that sight. I know that my dad would love it, too. So, I stop and imagine he's standing with me enjoying the beauty.

Bye Bye Binky

Monday morning we had Molly throw away her binkies. She complied, but I don't think she understood the permanence of them being gone. I quickly took the trash out to the garage. Sure enough a couple hours later, she was in the kitchen looking in the trash! She has done a great job not whining or throwing temper tantrums about her binkies. At prayer time that night, she asked God for her binky! Cute! She also has been a little sad, crying softly while asking for her binky. I reminded her that her friends don't use binkies anymore, "Xander said, 'Bye bye binky'." "Ella said, 'Bye bye binky'." She seemed pretty content with this.

I'm proud of her, and she seems so grown up. I'm also relieved because the binky battle was becoming a pain! We restricted it to her bedroom, but she'd bring it out often, and we'd have to discipline her for it. I'm very happy to say, "Bye bye binky!"

Cooking with Jack Daniels

I recently started reviewing books on my blogs for Thomas Nelson publishers. The first title I chose was The Search for God and Guinness. Fittingly, I selected a Jack Daniel’s cookbook for my next review. My husband is worrying a little about my focus on alcohol… And to think that Thomas Nelson is a Christian publisher!

Having lived mostly in suburban Midwest and Texas, I felt like I was reading about the culture and food of a foreign people when I browsed the pages of the Jack Daniel’s Spirit of Tennessee Cookbook. Scattered among the recipes are stories of people, places and customs. Not to be missed is the history “Miss Mary Bobo’s Boarding House”, while I wish I had skipped “Possum and Sweet ‘Taters”!

The recipes themselves are a thorough collection of Southern favorites with modern adaptations and creations. While every chapter contains recipes calling for Jack Daniel’s Whisky, like Intoxicated Chicken, there are many dishes that are just representative of the food served in Lynchburg, Tennessee, the home of the Jack Daniel’s Distillery. I am eager to try Lynchburg Lemonade (p.20), a spiked citrus drink. I also have dog-eared the page with instructions for Chocolate Souffle Cake (p.160), a flourless cake perfect for my gluten intolerant husband. I think I’ll skip the possum and just make the Tipsy Sweet Potatoes (p.74)!

Halloween

Sadly, my dad passed away last Friday. On Saturday, we celebrated his life with some close family members. Molly and her second cousin Ella went trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. Molly was really cute as she said, "Trick-or-treat!" She very politely waited for candy. She wasn't sure what to do next but usually stood still smiling. She would sweetly say, "Thank you!"

Super Model

It is very difficult to take pictures of Molly. I had to bribe her with candy corn to sit still and smile. Even then, it was quite a chore! Her Ma Mere got her this new rug as well as a new bedding set that she'll use when she moves into a twin bed. In addition to being very cute, we play little games on the rug, too. We say, "Put one food on a purple circle and one foot on a pink circle." Very educational!

This little outfit is a birthday gift from Uncle

Matt and Aunt Ilene. Cute!

God and Guinness

I recently found out about a program where I can receive books from a Christian publisher in return for writing a review of each on my blog. To find out more, click here.

Browsing the list of available books, this one caught my eye immediately. I am often interested in books that relate faith to practical examples. I also married into an Irish family that is passionate about their roots; then again, aren't all Irish families like this? So, this was a perfect way to learn more about a great piece of recent Irish history.

The author begins by giving a brief history of beer. He provides a case for the morally acceptable consumption of beer; it seems like he is trying to at once appease and attract those opposed to all forms of drinking. I found it interesting to learn how the first beers were most definitely brewed accidentally in ancient times and how beer plays a role in stories ranging from the ancient Sumerians to the pilgrims to modern times.

Early after beginning it, I was struck that this was a history book. There are hundreds of names and dates littered throughout this story of the Guinness family. Stories chronicle lives of different family members throughout many generations. Because of its format, I did not find it effortless reading. I had to prod myself at times to continue reading. I'll hand it over to my history teacher husband next, and I'm sure he'll be immediately enthralled!

What is fascinating about these accounts is the passion that many of the Guinness family members and employees had for easing the suffering in their generations. The Guinness company blessed their workers with unheard of benefits. The medical care, educational opportunities, and recreational activities provided were beyond compare to those provided elsewhere. There are countless stories of benevolent programs formed as big-hearted men and women became troubled by rampant disease, inadequate housing, overwhelming alcoholism (interestingly), and godless living.

Mansfield ends the book with a summary of lessons learned from the Guinness history. By reviewing these, I was motivated to let the Guinness men and women be my mentors and to pursue integrity as well as passionately work on the count of the down-trodden.

Recent Pictures

Love the Texas cacti! We found a beautiful new park near our place that has a lot of trails through the rugged landscape and overlooks a big lake.

Time to get out the flannel pjs! These are Elmo and Zoe pjs from Nanna and Papa.

Visit from Uncle Matt and Aunt Ilene. Molly was quite taken with Uncle Matt. She has pretend phone conversations with him all the time!

Run, Molly, Run! She's got Ryan's muscular legs and speed. She hasn't mastered staying in the lane yet, though!

Life

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11

As Dad struggles with multiple physical difficulties, I am reminded that 100% of us will die. His opportunity to meet God face to face probably will come sooner than the rest of ours. The reality is that we are not fully complete on this earth. Even little Molly is so full of life, but true abundance of life will be ours only in heaven.

I love this verse because God promises that we will be filled with joy in His presence (and ETERNAL PLEASURES!). When we spend time with Him here on earth we get a glimpse of that. I love to imagine what it means to be full of joy. We get joy from so many things on Earth- a deep conversation with a kindred spirit, an exquisite meal, the beauty in crashing waves or a tree-lined lake, learning something new and wonderful, love given and received, and the satisfaction of accomplishing a task.

I believe that all of these things, and others we can't imagine, will be ours in God's heaven. He says that He will make a new heaven and a new Earth. How cool will Paris be in God's new Earth?

So, today I believe God's word. I seek to walk with Him and in His path of life. I pray for a miracle for Dad, but I also recognize that eternal salvation for sinners that repent is the greatest miracle.

Babysitting Day

The only morning that I have to set an alarm is Thursday. Molly acts as my alarm clock on the other days. She's usually up between 6:20 and 7:20. However, baby Joe gets dropped off at 7:30 on Thursday, so I set my alarm for 7:10 to get dressed, brush my teeth, and wash my hair - in that order just in case I run out of time!

Unfortunately this morning, Molly was up from 4:40-5:20 this morning. She was in her crib most of that time, but I couldn't sleep. Then Ryan needs to get out of the house by 5:45, and I was emailing a document for him while he finished getting ready. I didn't fall back to sleep until after 6. Molly slept until 8. Great- the only day that I have to get up early, she sleeps until 8!

Today is my only babysitting day. Baby Joe (8 months old) stays from 7:30-4:15, and Xander (26 months) is here from 11:30-7:15. The day is a whirlwind of naps, playing, time-outs, diaper changes, trips to the potty, prayers for obedience and wisdom, snacks and meals. None of them are on the same schedule. Thank goodness Molly and Joe nap at the same time. (Xander does not nap.)

Xander sleeps in late, and his dad told me that he had breakfast at 9:30. So, when I sit Molly down for lunch at noon, Xander has to sit at the table with her. He picks at his lunch. I then put his lunch in the fridge, and he ends up eating it mid-afternoon! He's not used to sitting for meals with his family around a table. So, this is something I'm training him to do at our house. He's here at dinner time again, but usually he's not hungry due to his late lunch (except for the week he refused the food I offered at lunch and didn't eat until dinner. That time he chowed down!).

Molly uses her diaper and the potty each about 50% of the time. Xander is not potty trained, but his mom wants me to put him on the potty. So, several times a day, all four of us are hanging out in the bathroom together. Altogether I changed four poopy diapers today and washed my hands 32 times. Actually, I didn't count the hand-washing, but that's probably pretty close! And, that doesn't include the many washings of tiny hands!

Joe is a sweet and contented baby. He likes playing with toys or sitting on my lap. I wouldn't be able to do this otherwise because the toddlers are so high maintenance.

Whenever we transition between rooms or activities, the older two get crazy. After the afternoon naps, we settle into Molly's room and play with toys and puzzles. As soon as Joe's dad arrives to pick him up, and we head into the hallway, Molly and Xander go crazy. They think our house is a racetrack! So, even though it had been a laidback playtime, it looks like Kiddos Gone Wild.

I then construct a fort out of a card table, blanket, and towel. We camp beneath it to read books, watch a Sesame Street dvd, and do puzzles. Ryan's working late, so the three of us eat. We wind down playing outside as the air gets a slight chill to it. We come in fifteen minutes before Xander's mom is due to arrive. After removing shoes and washing hands (again), I watch the clock intently as we do a couple final puzzles.

After the kids go, the husband is fed, and Molly's bathed, I'm exhausted. I start longing for a glass of wine to unwind with, and remember that it's October 1. (We only buy alcohol once a month to cut back on the grocery budget.) Woohoo! I've worked hard for this one, baby! Oh, wait, Ryan needs a shirt ironed for tomorrow... and a lunch packed, too. Back to work!

Dad the Brave

My dad has been battling cancer for several months. Recently he got another dose of bad news- the treatments he's been receiving aren't working, and the cancer has spread quite a bit. With both his initial diagnosis and this last bit of news, he has courageously accepted it. He was the one to tell me both times on the phone, "Well it's not good news." He is mostly concerned for us and not himself.

My earliest memory of dad's bravery came when I accompanied him as he worked as a blacksmith. He would shoe horses part-time in addition to teaching. I was very nervous everytime I saw him crouched beneath a horse, especially a huge draft horse. Nothing awed me more than watching him confidently squeeze the back of a horse's leg and lift up a hoof. I always marveled that his head was smaller than the hoof of a draft horse. And yet, he put himself in authority over the horse. The animal usually complied.

Now, I pray for a miracle for my dad. The cancer is more powerful than him, but our God is in complete control. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2 I pray that Dad will continue to know the certainty of God as his Rock, Fortress, and Deliverer as he continues to bravely fight.